The Morning Sixpack - August 27, 2025
Trump world in chaos: Swift’s engagement, Cracker Barrel’s #TACOs, sandwich indictment flops, FEMA mutiny, DHS hires election denier to watch over... elections!
In case you hadn’t heard…
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Are Officially Engaged—And the Internet Has Lost Its Mind
Taylor Swift said yes.
The pop queen and the Kansas City Chiefs’ tight end dropped the news on Instagram with a joint post: “Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married.” Honestly, it’s the most Taylor thing ever—equal parts tongue-in-cheek and headline-dominating. Fans immediately melted down, and the internet is now one giant reception line.
The engagement pics? Straight out of a Nicholas Sparks adaptation. Kelce, down on one knee, surrounded by a sea of lush blooms that a Kansas City florist estimated cost somewhere between $10K and $15K. Swift flashed an old mine brilliant-cut diamond designed by Kindred Lubeck of Artifex Fine Jewelry, paired perfectly with her Cartier watch. Of course, the striped Ralph Lauren dress she wore sold out within hours because Swifties don’t just stream music, they move entire retail inventories.
Sports and music worlds collided in the comments. Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes dropped three heart emojis, Jason Kelce played the “how it started vs. how it’s going” meme on their podcast account, and even tennis champ Iga Swiatek squealed on live TV when she heard the news: “Oh my God, I’m so happy for her.” When you’ve got the NFL’s official account resharing your engagement, you know you’re basically America’s prom king and queen.
Even Donald Trump, who previously went on rants about Swift being “woke” and “no longer hot,” had to dial it down long enough to say, “I think he’s a great player. I think he’s a great guy. And I think that she’s a terrific person, so I wish them a lot of luck.” Translation: Trump couldn’t resist inserting himself into a story that had absolutely nothing to do with him, but hey, at least it was polite this time.
Let’s see how long that lasts… 3…2…1…cue the Truth Social rant… (No, I’m not going to go look for it. It’ll come, if not here already.)
The two went public in 2023 after Kelce gave her a friendship bracelet at the Eras Tour. Since then, it’s been concerts, touchdowns, and plenty of tabloid fuel. Now? It’s a wedding on the horizon. One thing’s certain—if this is how they do the engagement photos, the actual ceremony is going to break both Instagram and probably the internet backbone itself.
Source: USA Today
Related: Taylor Swift brings a billion dollars of publicity to NFL
If you’re as old as me, you’ll come to understand that this will be WAY bigger than Princess Diana getting married to Horse Face.
Cracker Barrel Retreats: Old Logo Back After Culture-War Meltdown
Cracker Barrel just waved the white flag and ditched its new logo after a week of outrage.
The company rolled out a “streamlined” look meant to modernize its brand, but customers weren’t having it. Critics said the sterile redesign erased tradition, while conservative activists turned it into yet another battlefield in America’s endless culture war. Facing boycotts, social media firestorms, and even a stock hit, Cracker Barrel backpedaled hard, announcing its “Old Timer” logo is here to stay.
The original design—complete with “Uncle Herschel” leaning against a barrel—has been part of the chain’s identity since 1977. The new minimalist version was supposed to signal progress but instead became a lightning rod.
And, of course, Donald Trump chimed in, telling the company to reverse course: “They got a Billion Dollars worth of free publicity if they play their cards right. Very tricky to do, but a great opportunity.” Hours later, he congratulated them for reverting.
Surely, that was it.
Shares of Cracker Barrel, which had tumbled 12% during the backlash, bounced back more than 3% after the reversal. Conservative activist Robby Starbuck claimed victory, posting, “We are winning and we plan to keep winning.” Meanwhile, other customers shrugged—either rolling their eyes at the outrage or admitting they couldn’t care less what logo was on the menu as long as the biscuits stayed the same.
The whole fiasco shows just how quickly a branding tweak can turn into a Bud Light–level headache in today’s outrage economy. Cracker Barrel’s CEO Julie Felss Masino has been trying to modernize the Tennessee-based chain with menu upgrades and store remodels, but lesson learned: You can freshen the interiors, just don’t touch Uncle Cracker.
Source: Wall Street Journal
Honestly, if the battle lines in America now hinge on a white guy (a cracker) in overalls leaning on a barrel, we’ve all lost the plot.
I didn’t put two and two together until I read about the logo change a few days ago. The new, old logo is simply a cracker sitting next to a barrel. And MAGA got white hot over it.
Grand Jury Tosses Felony Case Over Man Who Threw a Sandwich at Federal Agent
A Washington grand jury just refused to indict a man for felony assault after he hurled a sandwich at a federal agent.
Prosecutors had tried to make an example of Sean C. Dunn, 37, a former Justice Department paralegal accused of tossing a submarine sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection officer while calling agents “fascists” and shouting, “I don’t want you in my city!”
But the grand jury wasn’t buying it.
Instead, they handed prosecutors an embarrassing defeat—the second in as many days after another panel also rejected a felony assault case against a federal agent.
0 for 2, AG Pam Blondi.
The incident, which went viral thanks to video footage and heavy-handed federal response, became a minor saga in Trump’s deployment of National Guard troops and federal officers onto D.C.’s streets. A team of armed agents even stormed Dunn’s apartment after the sandwich toss, underscoring just how overblown this case became. Prosecutors could still downgrade the charge to a misdemeanor, but the felony route looks dead.
This isn’t an isolated stumble. Earlier this week, prosecutors reduced another felony case to a misdemeanor after failing three times to win an indictment against a woman accused of injuring an FBI agent. On the same day, they dropped charges against a man arrested at Trader Joe’s for carrying handguns, after a federal judge ripped them apart in court: “Lawlessness cannot come from the government. We’re pushing the boundaries here.”
Blondi’s track record is terrible. This just means one thing: They’ll try even harder now.
The takeaway? Flooding the streets with federal agents may play well on cable news, but in courtrooms, it’s a different story. When jurors are tossing out cases about sandwiches, it says a lot about prosecutorial overreach and the cracks in Trump’s “tough on crime” theater.
Source: New York Times
Imagine explaining to future law students that the U.S. government once tried and failed to turn a Subway footlong into a felony weapon.
I mean, Shrub (George W. Bush) made throwing a disposable water bottle out the car window a “WMD,” so this isn’t a groundbreaking court case.
First Week of School Shattered by Shooting at Minneapolis Catholic School
Gunfire erupted Wednesday morning at Annunciation Catholic School in Minneapolis, marring the first week of classes and sending students and parents into panic.
Governor Tim Walz called the shooting “horrific,” adding on X: “I’m praying for our kids and teachers whose first week of school was marred by this horrific act of violence.”
Authorities confirmed the shooter was “contained” and that there was no ongoing threat, but details on injuries remain scarce. Families were directed to a reunification zone as ambulances rushed victims to Hennepin Healthcare, which confirmed it was treating patients.
The timing was especially cruel: The school, which dates back to 1923 and serves pre-K through 8th grade, had just kicked off its new year Monday. Social media posts from earlier this week showed children smiling at back-to-school events, holding up art projects, and celebrating summer with ice pops. By Wednesday, the joyful start had turned into chaos as FBI agents, local police, and emergency crews swarmed the building.
President Trump issued a Truth Social post saying he had been briefed on the “tragic shooting” and that the White House would monitor the situation. Meanwhile, Democratic National Committee Chair Ken Martin acknowledged the shooting at a separate meeting, noting the “unknown amount of victims.”
This latest school shooting comes against the backdrop of a violent 24 hours in Minneapolis, including a fatal shooting outside a high school and two other deadly incidents across the city. It also follows a wave of hoax shooting calls at U.S. colleges, leaving students nationwide on edge as a new school year begins.
Source: AP News
America’s kids are trying to learn their ABCs while politicians can’t figure out gun control. Guess which one they’ll master first.
Oh, and let’s not gloss over this: This is a prime opportunity for Trump to send troops into Minneapolis… Don’t think he won’t.
FEMA Staff Placed on Leave After Slamming Trump Administration in Open Letter
The Trump administration just sidelined FEMA employees who dared to warn Congress that the agency is being gutted from the inside.
Roughly 180 current and former FEMA staffers signed a letter Monday blasting the agency’s leadership as dangerously inexperienced and warning that cuts to disaster recovery and training programs could set the country up for a “Hurricane Katrina-level” catastrophe. By Tuesday evening, several of the letter’s signers received notices that they were being placed on paid administrative leave, effectively yanked out of duty.
In their letter, employees accused the administration of dragging FEMA back to a pre-Katrina era, citing slashed mitigation programs, loss of autonomy, and a lack of Senate-confirmed emergency managers. They demanded that lawmakers protect FEMA from “politically motivated firings,” increase oversight, and push to make FEMA an independent Cabinet-level agency instead of a sub-branch of DHS. One staffer who had coordinated July’s Texas flood response and helped organize the dissent was abruptly removed from disaster casework.
“The fact that 180 people signed onto the letter, with a supermajority of them still working in the building, and dozens of those people wanted to attach their real names signifies the severity of the problem,” said Jeremy Edwards, a former FEMA press secretary who signed the letter. “They are that scared of us being so inadequately unprepared. It speaks a lot to the situation right now.”
This move mirrors what happened just weeks ago when nearly 140 EPA employees were also put on leave for similar dissent. The broader “Bethesda Declaration” movement—where federal employees openly challenge the administration’s policies despite risking their jobs—has spread across agencies, including NASA and the National Science Foundation. But silencing disaster response professionals in the middle of a climate crisis isn’t just reckless politics, it’s playing Russian roulette with Americans’ lives.
Source: Washington Post
Nothing says “strong leadership” like firing the very people who know how to keep your constituents alive when the next hurricane hits.
Trump Administration Puts Election Denier in Charge of Election Security
Heather Honey, a longtime promoter of Trump’s false 2020 election claims, is now overseeing parts of America’s election infrastructure at DHS.
Honey, a protégé of Cleta Mitchell—the lawyer who tried to help Trump overturn the 2020 election—has been appointed deputy assistant secretary of election integrity at the Department of Homeland Security.
Her résumé includes spreading conspiracy theories Trump himself cited before January 6, helping push for rule changes in Georgia to aid Republicans, and working as a private investigator with zero background in election administration.
Now she’s in a role that typically comes with access to classified intelligence about election systems.
Election experts and state officials say this isn’t just bad optics—it’s dangerous. “We are witnessing a dangerous trend: The elevation of known bad-faith actors like Heather Honey,” said Adrian Fontes, Arizona’s Democratic secretary of state. He warned that her history of pushing lies could destroy trust between states and DHS, making states less likely to share information needed to defend against cyberattacks or foreign interference.
This move comes after Trump gutted election security programs at DHS, slashed staff at the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, and rolled back Justice Department efforts to combat foreign disinformation.
David Becker of the Center for Election Innovation and Research put it bluntly: “The hiring of an election conspiracy theorist with no election knowledge or expertise is the culmination of this reversal. DHS now appears poised to become a primary amplifier of false election conspiracies pushed by our enemies.”
Honey’s new job was quietly added to DHS’s leadership roster in August, even though former officials say the position didn’t exist before. She’ll likely help shape election policy, coordinate with the White House, and organize federal responses if foreign actors target U.S. systems. In other words, one of the government’s top “experts” on election security is someone who doesn’t believe in the last election’s results.
Source: ProPublica
If Orwell were alive, he’d just underline this appointment and call it a day.