The Morning Sixpack - January 15, 2025 (Internet DOWN Edition)
Big banks boom, GOP lawmaker's critique backfires, Nancy Mace's meltdown, South Korea arrests President, trust Issues with DOJ and FBI, SEC sues Elon Musk, Trump's "External Revenue Service" plan
UPDATES coming soon, I hope. Internet is down (thanks, Comcrap) and backup wifi (smartphone hotspot) is janky AF.
When the internet is back on, I’ll get to it. Stay tuned, please.
Internet is back up. Here’s today’s Morning Sixpack
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Big Banks Boom: JPMorgan, Wells Fargo, and Goldman Sachs Report Record-Breaking Profits
Some of the nation's financial giants—JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, and Goldman Sachs—kicked off 2025 with stellar financial results, smashing analysts' expectations. JPMorgan posted a jaw-dropping $14 billion in fourth-quarter profits, with an annual total nearing $59 billion, solidifying its position as the country’s largest bank. Similarly, Wells Fargo and Goldman Sachs delivered strong performances, with executives expressing optimism about a business-friendly economic outlook under the incoming administration.
JPMorgan’s record-breaking year was highlighted by $14 billion in fourth-quarter profits, underscoring its dominance in the banking sector. Wells Fargo reported $5.1 billion for the quarter and $20 billion for the year, with wealthy depositors flocking to its premium savings products. Meanwhile, Goldman Sachs’ $4 billion quarterly profit reflected its success in bridging risky borrowers with eager lenders, a testament to favorable credit conditions. As the stock market surged 23.3% in 2024, banks capitalized on robust corporate financing activity, significantly boosting their bottom lines.
Michael Santomassimo, Wells Fargo’s CFO, encapsulated the optimism permeating Wall Street, noting, “It feels like many of our clients, or many of the market participants, feel more confident in their ability to execute on M&A transactions. There’s some optimism that we’ll see higher activity levels throughout the year.” With anticipation building for pro-business policies under President-elect Donald J. Trump, the outlook for 2025 is shaping up to be promising for the financial sector.
Source: JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, and Goldman Sachs Report Big Profits
GOP Lawmaker's Critique on "Lower Standards" Backfires With Embarrassing Typo
A Republican lawmaker's passionate speech decrying declining standards became a viral moment—not for its content but for an ironic and glaring typo in the official transcript. The slip-up, which contradicted the very message of the speech, has sparked widespread mockery online and reignited discussions about credibility in public discourse.
The speech, aimed at highlighting perceived social decline, inadvertently became a self-inflicted punchline. The lawmaker’s remarks about “holding ourselves to the highest standards” were undercut by a basic spelling error that critics argue epitomizes the problem he was addressing.
Social media users were quick to pounce, with one commenter quipping, "If you're going to lecture the rest of us on standards, at least proofread first."
“DEI in our Miltary.” Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Somebody’s gettin’ fired today.
Source: GOP Lawmaker's Rant About Lower Standards Is Undermined By 1 Glaring Typo
Nancy Mace Challenges Democrat to ‘Take It Outside’ in Fiery Committee Clash
A House Oversight Committee meeting turned into political theater when Rep. Nancy Mace (R-S.C.) and Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-Texas) clashed over reinstating a subcommittee on civil rights.
Mace, known for her controversial remarks, escalated the verbal sparring by asking Crockett if she wanted to “take it outside.”
Crockett fired back online, calling Mace an “attention-seeking loser” and mocking her motivations, saying, “...to be clear that is the only thing that she will hit.” The heated exchange highlighted deep partisan divides and Mace’s penchant for controversy.
During the hearing, Crockett proposed reinstating a subcommittee disbanded by Republicans in 2023, which focused on voting rights and criminal justice reform. Mace dismissed the idea with a jab at Democrats, saying, “Republicans shouldn’t take advice from a group of people who can’t define what a woman is.”
Crockett responded by criticizing Mace’s anti-transgender positions and accusing her of using cultural issues to fundraise. Crockett quipped, “Somebody’s campaign coffers really are struggling right now, so she’s gonna keep saying ‘trans, trans, trans,’ so that people will feel threatened.”
After the meeting, Mace clarified her remarks, insisting she wasn’t threatening physical harm but instead suggesting a private conversation. Yeah, sure. Okay.
She wrote on social media, “I will not be bullied into submission; I will not be called names by my colleagues like I was today… I will always stand up for women and push back against left-wing extremism.”
Mace is the same person who showed up to work with her arm in a sling the day after she shook hands with a man who disagreed with her on something. She accused him of assault.
I am not kidding. Watch:
She’s a drama queen. She cannot be taken seriously.
Source: Nancy Mace Erupts At Dem In Committee Clash, Asks To ‘Take It Outside’
South Korea’s Martial Law Drama: Impeached President Yoon Detained in Unprecedented Raid
South Korea’s political landscape was shaken to its core as impeached President Yoon Suk Yeol surrendered after a dramatic raid on his residence. Facing insurrection charges over his attempt to impose martial law in December, Yoon’s detainment involved police scaling barricades and navigating a standoff with his own security team. The spectacle, complete with “Hershey Kisses” protesters in silver thermal blankets, has ignited debates about governance and democracy in South Korea.
In the early hours of January 15, authorities executed a high-stakes operation to detain Yoon, who had ignored three summonses for questioning. Prosecutors allege Yoon’s martial law decree was a calculated effort to silence opposition lawmakers and bolster baseless election fraud claims. “This is a very important moment for maintaining order and the rule of law,” Acting President Choi Sang-mok said, emphasizing the stakes as international scrutiny intensified.
The fallout from Yoon’s failed martial law gambit has sparked South Korea’s worst political crisis in decades. While he remains detained near the Corruption Investigation Office’s headquarters, questions loom about whether the Constitutional Court will uphold his impeachment and permanently remove him from office. As one Army commander testified, Yoon had ordered troops to “drag out” lawmakers in his desperate bid to retain power. His actions have left an indelible mark on South Korea’s democratic legacy.
If only the US had done this to Trump after he incited an insurrection when he lost an election, fair and square. Think how much better off we’d be if that stain had been removed from American life forever!
Source: South Korea’s impeached president detained over martial law gambit
Which leads us to this. Good grief, we’re in for a long slog. Hope to see you on the other side. Meanwhile, pick up a copy of Man’s Search for Meaning here.
Trust Issues: Poll Shows Few Americans Confident in DOJ and FBI Under Trump
As President-elect Donald Trump prepares for his second term, an AP-NORC poll reveals a troubling lack of confidence in the Justice Department and FBI. Only 2 in 10 Americans feel “extremely” or “very” confident that these institutions will act fairly and impartially. Even among Republicans, faith in the neutrality of law enforcement agencies remains split, casting doubt on Trump’s ability to restore trust after years of partisan accusations.
The skepticism extends to Trump’s high-profile Cabinet nominees, including Pam Bondi, tapped for attorney general, and Kash Patel, slated to lead the FBI.
Bondi has called prosecutors investigating Trump “horrible people,” while Patel has proposed slashing the FBI’s authority.
These controversial figures, along with others like Pete Hegseth and Tulsi Gabbard, have drawn mixed reviews from Americans, with many expressing disapproval or uncertainty about their qualifications and intentions.
Still, some nominees resonate with Trump’s base. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a controversial vaccine skeptic, has earned broad support among Republicans for his nomination as Secretary of Health and Human Services. While the incoming administration faces significant challenges in bridging public trust, it’s clear that partisan divisions over the DOJ and FBI will remain a focal point in Trump’s second term.
Source: Few US adults confident Justice Department and FBI will act fairly under Trump, AP-NORC poll finds
SEC Sues Elon Musk Over Late Disclosure of Twitter Share Purchases
The SEC has filed a lawsuit against Elon Musk, accusing him of failing to disclose his Twitter stock purchases on time in early 2022. By delaying his required disclosure past the legal deadline, Musk allegedly saved $150 million at the expense of other shareholders, purchasing shares at artificially low prices. Musk’s legal team dismissed the allegations as politically motivated, calling the lawsuit a “ticky-tack complaint.”
The lawsuit, filed in the District of Columbia, demands that Musk remedy his underpayment and seeks a civil penalty. According to the SEC, Musk began accumulating Twitter shares in January 2022 and surpassed the 5% threshold by late March. Despite knowing he was obligated to file with the SEC, Musk delayed his disclosure until April 4, 2022, driving Twitter's stock price up 27% once his involvement became public. The SEC alleges that Musk’s tactics included working with brokers to minimize stock price increases while building his stake, allowing him to secure a financial advantage.
Musk, no stranger to battles with the SEC, fired back at the allegations. “Today’s action is an admission by the SEC that they cannot bring an actual case—because Mr. Musk has done nothing wrong and everyone sees this sham for what it is,” said his attorney, Alex Spiro. The case adds to Musk’s history of regulatory conflicts, including a 2018 fraud charge over his infamous “funding secured” tweet.
Now a key figure in the Trump administration’s incoming "Department of Government Efficiency" (a sham government “department”) Musk continues to make headlines both for his business moves and his political alliances. And for being a colossal dick.
Source: SEC sues Elon Musk over late disclosure of Twitter share purchases
Bonus material!
Trump’s New “External Revenue Service” Plan: Tax the World, Confuse the Rest
President-elect Donald Trump unveiled his latest brainchild on Truth Social: The “External Revenue Service,” a proposed agency to collect tariffs and revenues from foreign nations. While Trump touts the move as a win for America, critics point out that it duplicates existing federal functions and amounts to a massive, indirect tax on U.S. consumers. Even as Trump claims to “shrink government,” this new agency would require Congressional approval and a sprawling bureaucracy to function. So much for efficiency!
Trump boasted, “We will begin charging those that make money off of us with Trade, and they will start paying,” drawing comparisons between his proposed agency and the IRS. Economists, however, were quick to rain on the parade, warning that tariffs—like the potential 25% levy on Canadian and Mexican goods and a whopping 60% on Chinese imports—will be passed on to consumers, effectively inflating prices. As one observer quipped, “Make America Pay Again?”
Not to be outdone, Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) slammed the plan as “silly rebranding” and a “multi-trillion-dollar tax hike on American families and small businesses.” Meanwhile, Trump’s handpicked stars for his Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy—are gearing up to slash federal programs and fire workers, all in the name of saving America. It seems Trump’s “Save America” agenda may leave Americans saving their pennies instead.
Source: Trump says he will create an ‘External Revenue Service’ agency to collect tariff income