The Morning Sixpack - January 27, 2025

Get your nachos and Pacificos ready! Super Bowl LIX is gonna be lit... but you have to wait two weeks! What kind of crap is this?

Super Bowl LICKS: Chiefs and Eagles Set for a Spicy Rematch in the Big Easy

The Super Bowl is locked and loaded, with the Kansas City Chiefs and Philadelphia Eagles gearing up for a heated rematch in Super Bowl LIX.

The Chiefs punched their ticket by (barely) toppling the Buffalo Bills in the AFC Championship, while the Eagles soared past the Washington Commanders to claim the NFC crown.

With Kansas City chasing an unprecedented three-peat, Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce, and Andy Reid are ready to make history—again. As Mahomes put it, “It’s an opportunity to do something truly historic.” Well, shit, yeah, it is—no other team has done it.

Meanwhile, the Eagles are hungry for payback and their second-ever Super Bowl win, their first coming in 2018 against the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LII. Head coach Nick Sirianni and quarterback Jalen Hurts are bringing the heat, determined to flip the script after last year’s heartbreak. The showdown goes down on Sunday, February 9, at 6:30 p.m. ET in the legendary Superdome in New Orleans.

Adding to the spectacle, Kendrick Lamar will take the stage for the halftime show, ensuring there's no shortage of entertainment—on and off the field. This is why my daughter wants to watch—sorry Taylor.

Fox will broadcast the game live, with the Chiefs opening as 1.5-point favorites.

Will Mahomes and company pull off the elusive three-peat, or will the Eagles get their revenge and snatch the Lombardi Trophy? One thing’s for sure—Super Bowl LIX is going to be one for the books.

Source: Yahoo Sports

My prediction: Chiefs win. Mahomes is a better QB and that (used to) matters more than anything.

Tariff Tantrum Over: Colombia Backs Down, US Calls It a Win

Crisis averted—at least for now. The US has put a pause on its threatened 25% tariffs on Colombian goods after President Gustavo Petro caved to demands and agreed to accept deported migrants via US military flights "without limitation or delay."

Is this where I call him a major league pendejo? Pendejo Petro works!

The sudden resolution comes after days of political posturing, with Petro initially pushing back, insisting that deportees should be returned on "civilian planes, without treating them like criminals." But when Trump fired back with threats of tariffs, visa sanctions, and border crackdowns, it didn’t take long for Colombia to fall in line.

Petro initially stood firm, denying US military flights and declaring on social media, "Your blockade does not scare me, because Colombia, besides being the country of beauty, is the heart of the world."

However, Washington didn’t flinch, and Trump swiftly announced "urgent and decisive retaliatory measures," including fully prepared tariffs ready to deploy at a moment's notice.

Now, Colombia has agreed to all US demands, and Washington has promised to treat returning migrants with dignity—whatever that means in practice.

Despite this apparent resolution, the White House made it clear that the tariffs aren't off the table for good.

If Colombia fails to honor the agreement, the punitive measures will snap back into action. Meanwhile, visa sanctions and enhanced inspections at the border remain in effect "until the first planeload of Colombian deportees is successfully returned," ensuring that Colombia keeps its end of the bargain—or faces the consequences.

Source: BBC

One country down, only 200+ more to go! Fall in line, pendejos!

DeepSeek's 'Sputnik Moment' Shakes AI Giants—Investors Hit the Panic Button

Wall Street took a beating on Monday as investors dumped major tech stocks, rattled by the rise of DeepSeek, a Chinese AI upstart threatening to disrupt the industry with its low-cost, high-efficiency model.

Shares of Nvidia, Oracle, and Palantir tumbled as the market digested the possibility that AI's next frontier might not be dominated by Western giants after all. Nasdaq 100 futures fell nearly 4%, setting up what could be the index's worst day since 2022.

"DeepSeek R1 is one of the most amazing and impressive breakthroughs I’ve ever seen," venture capitalist Marc Andreessen declared, calling it AI's "Sputnik moment"—a reference to the Soviet satellite that kicked off the space race.

DeepSeek's shockwave comes from its claim that its model requires significantly less data and a fraction of the cost compared to Western counterparts—allegedly training on Nvidia's H800 chips for just $6 million.

With downloads on the Apple Store now surpassing those of ChatGPT, the market is suddenly questioning the sustainability of massive investments by tech giants like Apple and Microsoft. The fear? That a scrappy startup from Hangzhou could reset the AI playing field, making it more affordable and accessible than ever before.

The panic isn't just in the U.S.—AI-related stocks plummeted globally, with Japan's SoftBank Group sliding over 8% and Europe's ASML losing 7.5%. Analysts are now speculating whether Big Tech's spending spree on AI is justified or if it's all been a bubble waiting to burst.

While some caution it's too early to declare DeepSeek the new king of AI, the mere possibility is enough to have investors hitting the sell button in droves.

Source: AOL

Two things (maybe ten):

1. What in the world will Trump ever do? AI and crypto have become his “main things” and this could crush his hopes of dominating the global stage.

2. History may not repeat, but sometimes it sure looks like it does: China is our USSR in this 21st century space race. This can only be GOOD for overall AI and tech.

Palestinians Return to Northern Gaza as Israel Lifts Blockade—But Tensions Remain High

Thousands of Palestinians poured back into northern Gaza on Monday after Israel lifted its closure under a ceasefire and hostage release agreement with Hamas.

Beginning at 7 a.m. local time, foot traffic was allowed through a coastal road without inspection, while vehicles faced delays of up to two miles at a separate checkpoint on Gaza’s main north-south highway.

Hamas declared the return “a victory for our people” and a sign of Israel’s “failure and defeat,” while Israel’s military issued a stern warning, stating, “The transfer of militants or weapons via these routes to the northern Gaza Strip will be considered a breach of the agreement.”

Both sides are little babies. And by “both sides,” I mean Hamas and Netanyahu. The people “on both sides” are merely pawns in a shitty game of real-world chess.

For many, the journey back was long but filled with hope. Yasmin Abu Amshah, a mother of three, shared her experience of walking four miles to her damaged yet livable home in Gaza City, where she was reunited with her younger sister after more than a year. “It was a long trip, but a happy one,” she told the Associated Press.

The return marks a significant moment for the region, as nearly a million people had fled to southern Gaza in October 2023 amid heavy fighting and widespread destruction. However, the situation remains fragile, with 90% of Gaza’s population still displaced.

The road to reopening was fraught with delays and accusations. Israel initially refused to allow movement north until the release of hostage Arbel Yehoud, leading to accusations from Hamas that Israel was violating the agreement.

Eventually, Qatar mediated a deal resulting in Yehoud’s release along with two others, paving the way for the border reopening. The ceasefire’s first phase includes Hamas releasing a total of 33 hostages in exchange for nearly 2,000 Palestinian prisoners. Despite the current truce, tensions persist, and both sides remain on edge over the fragile agreement.

Source: MDGN

South Korea’s Political Circus: Indicted, Impeached, and Still Fighting

Former South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol has been indicted on rebellion charges over his controversial December 3 martial law decree, which plunged the nation into political chaos. Prosecutors say Yoon’s short-lived attempt to impose military rule, which lasted just six hours, violated the constitution and could result in a life sentence or even the death penalty if convicted.

His indictment marks another blow to Yoon, who was impeached and arrested amid accusations of abusing his power to suppress political opposition. The Constitutional Court is still weighing whether to permanently remove him from office or reinstate him, further fueling national uncertainty. What? Have the South Koreans not been paying attention? Good grief, pick up a paper will ya?

Yoon, a conservative firebrand, has fiercely defended his actions, claiming martial law was a necessary measure to counteract what he called a "den of criminals" in the liberal-controlled National Assembly. However, military commanders have testified that Yoon personally ordered troops to drag lawmakers out of the assembly, contradicting his claims of merely maintaining order. Public sentiment remains deeply divided, with rival protesters taking to the streets and recent violent clashes injuring 17 police officers and resulting in dozens of arrests.

Yoon's legal troubles continue to mount, with prosecutors now investigating charges of abuse of power and obstruction of the National Assembly. Sound familiar?

Despite having presidential immunity from most charges (Damn, kings are everywhere now), rebellion and treason remain exceptions, leaving Yoon vulnerable to severe penalties. His legal team has called for his immediate release and an investigation into the Corruption Investigation Office for High-Ranking Officials (CIO), which initially led the probe. As South Korea braces for the next chapter in this political drama, the world watches to see if Yoon's legacy will be one of defiance or downfall.

Source: AP News

What can be said about this? History doesn’t repeat, but it sure has its doppelgängers!

Vaccine Wars: States Battle Over Exemptions, Consent, and Injury Databases

As childhood vaccination rates continue to decline, lawmakers in more than 15 states are rushing to introduce bills aimed at reshaping immunization policies.

With President Donald Trump back in the White House and outspoken vaccine critic Robert F. Kennedy Jr. tapped to lead the Department of Health and Human Services (What on God’'s green Earth are we doing?), the political landscape is ripe for change.

From reinstating religious exemptions to establishing state-level vaccine injury databases, the proposals reflect growing skepticism over government-mandated vaccinations.

“I think COVID and the politics gave standard vaccine denialists a lot of wind in their sails,” said Scott Burris, a public health law expert. Ya think?

Religious exemptions are leading the charge, with states like New York, Connecticut, and Virginia pushing to allow more parents to opt out of mandatory school vaccinations. Meanwhile, West Virginia has already made headlines by introducing its first-ever religious exemption, a move advocates credit to Trump’s influence and a recent court ruling in Mississippi.

On the flip side, Hawaii is taking a different approach, proposing a complete elimination of all non-medical exemptions in an effort to curb rising exemption rates. Lawmakers argue the battle is about personal choice versus public safety, and the stakes have never been higher.

Beyond exemptions, states like Oklahoma and Alabama are proposing laws requiring parental consent for all vaccines given to minors (What? You’re the one taking them to the doctor, aren’t you? They already HAVE parental consent), while others are considering mandates forcing healthcare providers to disclose full ingredient lists.

“Vaccine injury” tracking has also gained momentum, with states like Indiana and North Dakota looking to create their own reporting systems, citing distrust in federal agencies.

Public health officials, however, warn that these measures could add unnecessary confusion and undermine efforts to prevent the spread of deadly diseases.

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear—vaccination policy is now a battleground in America's ongoing culture wars.

Source: MDGN

Bonus: Towards Eliminating Nonmedical Vaccination Exemptions Among School-Age Children - PMC