The Morning Sixpack - September 30, 2025
Trump fuels conspiracies, Saudi buys comedy cred, billionaires cash in, Hegseth unravels—America’s chaos circus is in full swing. #HappyTuesday You're gonna want to read this one!
The Clock Is Ticking: A Government Shutdown Could Freeze the Economy Cold
The U.S. government is barreling toward a shutdown that could furlough 800,000 workers, stall critical data releases, and drain billions from travel and business.
If lawmakers don’t hash out a deal by 12:01 a.m. Wednesday, the economic gears that keep the country humming are about to grind down—hard.
Shutdowns are messy, but duration is everything. A short lapse is a headache; a prolonged one can hobble growth, disrupt federal services, and rattle both Wall Street and Main Street. Economists warn this comes at a fragile moment: hiring has already slowed, and missing Friday’s jobs report would leave investors flying blind.
“The Office of Management and Budget decides which workers are ‘excepted’ from furlough,” the article notes, meaning essential personnel work without pay. Translation: TSA still scans you barefoot at the airport, but they don’t get their paychecks.
Federal employees will feel the pain first. During the 2018–2019 partial shutdown, 340,000 were furloughed; this time, estimates top 800,000. Trump’s administration is also dangling mass firings if funding lapses, a legal and logistical grenade that Senate Democrats are calling an “attempt at intimidation.” And that September jobs report everyone’s waiting for? The Bureau of Labor Statistics won’t collect or release anything until the lights are back on.
Businesses are next in line. Contractors could lose work, exporters may be stuck waiting for permits, and industries like biotech and food & beverage will face delays on grants and certifications. In 2013, private-sector job growth fell by 120,000 because of a shutdown. Small businesses that rely on federal contracts may be forced to cut staff or shutter temporarily. Meanwhile, TSA agents and air traffic controllers will be working unpaid, risking airport delays as morale tanks.
The ripple effects on growth and tourism are real. A full shutdown can knock 0.6% off GDP growth if it drags on, according to past OMB estimates. And with national parks closed, the travel economy could bleed $1 billion per week. Local communities near park entrances alone stand to lose $77 million daily in visitor spending. Even if the economy eventually “makes up” lost ground, threatened layoffs and delayed paychecks could scare consumers into pulling back for good.
Source: WSJ (gift article)
Editor: Republicans once again are treating the economy like a pawn in their never-ending partisan pissing match. Workers don’t get paid, data goes dark, businesses stall—and the people responsible still collect their checks on time. Funny how that works.
Parting shot: National parks close, but the clown show in Congress stays open 24/7.
Swalwell Torches GOP Shutdown Bill: “I Don’t Want to Be a Co-Signee to This Tyranny”
Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.) blasted the Republican-led funding bill that would temporarily keep the government open, accusing the GOP of creating chaos and then demanding Democratic help to clean it up.
With a shutdown deadline looming Wednesday, Swalwell made it clear on CNN that he has no interest in signing on to what he calls “madness.”
“Why would we want to continue to be, you know, co-signees on this madness that is hurting our friends and neighbors and making us look less and less like America?” Swalwell told anchor Kate Bolduan.
He laid the blame squarely on Republicans, noting, “This is a Republican-run government. They have the White House, the House, and the Senate. They’ve had plenty of months to put forward legislation... They waited till the very last minute. Donald Trump set a meeting, canceled a meeting, reset a meeting. This is entirely on them.”
The House has passed a short-term spending bill to keep the government funded through most of November, but it faces a steep climb in the Senate, where 60 votes are needed. That means at least seven Democrats would have to back it—assuming every Republican supports it. At least one Republican, Sen. Rand Paul (Ky.), has already vowed to oppose the so-called “clean CR,” which simply extends existing funding without policy changes.
Democrats argue the bill ignores urgent priorities, including expiring ACA subsidies. They’re also under pressure not to cave after some senators previously backed a GOP measure earlier this year that kept the lights on. Meanwhile, the Trump White House is cranking up the heat. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt warned Monday that layoffs are coming if Democrats don’t fall in line, saying, “There will be if Democrats don’t keep the government open.”
Trump is set to meet congressional leaders at the White House, and administration officials insist they just want the same type of clean CR Democrats supported repeatedly under Biden. But Democrats see the GOP’s last-minute scramble as political theater, not governing. As Swalwell bluntly put it, “I don’t want to be a co-signee to this tyranny.”
Source: The Hill
Editor: Swalwell’s not wrong here. Republicans ran the clock down, fumbled the ball, and now want Democrats to help them recover it in overtime—while Trump heckles from the sidelines. Spare me the “clean CR” spin; this is manufactured chaos with a side of political hostage-taking.
Parting shot: Nothing says “responsible governance” like waiting until the last possible second, lighting the house on fire, then yelling at the neighbors for not bringing enough water.
Hegseth’s Quantico Power Play Puts America’s Top Brass—and National Security—at Risk
Pete Hegseth is dragging 800 of America’s top military leaders into one room with himself, Trump, and a mountain of bad judgment.
In what can only be described as an unprecedented security gamble, the Secretary of Defense has ordered every general and admiral to converge on Quantico for a mass in-person meeting that the Pentagon won’t fully explain.
Hegseth, a former TV host with a flair for spectacle, could have used the Pentagon’s advanced teleconferencing systems. Instead, he’s flying in senior officers from around the globe to hear him pontificate on the “warrior ethos”—and, bizarrely, personal grooming. The commander in chief is now a last-minute addition, raising the stakes even higher.
Theories about this high-stakes gathering are flying. Maybe it’s a “loyalty check” aimed at a skeptical officer corps that’s been leaking like a sieve. “It’s about getting the horses into the stable and whipping them into shape,” a defense official told CNN, adding that the meeting is meant to showcase Hegseth’s authority: “Get on board, or potentially have your career shortened.” Critics are openly comparing the spectacle to the forced loyalty oaths of 1930s Germany—an idea Hegseth lazily brushed off on X with, “Cool story, General.”
Others suspect a bureaucratic ambush. Hegseth has struggled to push through military restructuring plans, and some believe he’ll use this mass gathering to announce them as a fait accompli and dare the brass to object. A few even wonder if Trump and Hegseth are teeing up personnel purges live on stage. As Jeffrey Goldberg quipped, the officers “don’t know if they’re coming to a pep rally or the Red Wedding.”
Realistically, this looks less like strategic necessity and more like a swagger move. Hegseth is forcing hundreds of senior leaders to abandon their posts for his personal show of power. If the goal were genuine defense coordination, this would be happening behind closed doors—not as a made-for-TV spectacle. Instead, it reeks of performative control, the political equivalent of a dog lifting its leg on every hydrant in sight.
Source: The Atlantic
Editor: This is what happens when reality TV logic runs the Pentagon. It’s less “national defense strategy” and more “season finale cliffhanger.” Hegseth is playing with live ammo—literally and figuratively—just to remind everyone he can.
Retired Admiral Warns: Hegseth’s Quantico Mega-Meeting Is “A Target”
A retired Navy admiral is sounding the alarm over Pete Hegseth’s decision to gather nearly the entire upper tier of America’s military leadership in one place, calling it a dangerous security blunder.
Hundreds of generals and admirals are being summoned to Quantico for a surprise all-hands meeting with Hegseth and Donald Trump—and critics say it’s basically painting a bullseye on the U.S. chain of command.
“In a moment, we’re going to have the commander in chief, the secretary of Defense, we’re going to have the chairman of the joint chiefs and 800 admirals and generals,” retired Admiral James Stavridis told CNN. “I’d call that a target.”
He’s not exaggerating. The unprecedented gathering will include Trump, senior defense officials, and nearly every top-ranking military leader—concentrating America’s defense brain trust in one auditorium.
Stavridis, who served for nearly 40 years and once helmed NATO forces, says he’s never seen anything like it. In his day, “the very senior admirals and generals, I think 20 of us, would come to Washington, typically to have dinner with the commander in chief in the White House—that’s fine.” But dragging 800 frontline commanders off their posts to Quantico? He blasted it as “not only the cost, it’s the disruption to the operations in the field.”
The Trump administration has tried to downplay the meeting, with Trump himself breezily describing it as “a very nice meeting talking about how well we’re doing militarily.” But the scale and secrecy of the event have triggered concern across the national security community. Centralizing this many top officials isn’t just logistically messy—it’s strategically reckless.
Stavridis’ warning underscores what should be obvious: You don’t stack your entire leadership deck in one physical location during an era of heightened global threats. Whether this is about loyalty theatrics, internal shakeups, or simple hubris, the risk is real. It’s a move that would make any adversary drool.
Source: Raw Story
Editor: This isn’t “strong leadership.” It’s reckless showboating. Gathering the entire military brain trust in one auditorium is the geopolitical equivalent of yelling, “Hey, look over here!” while juggling hand grenades.
Partng shot: Somewhere, a Russian general is slow-clapping.
Comedy for a King: How Top American Comedians Are Helping Saudi Arabia Polish Its Brutal Image
Saudi Arabia is using Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart, Bill Burr, Louis C.K., and other top U.S. comedians to launder its reputation—and they’re cashing the checks.
The kingdom’s inaugural Riyadh Comedy Festival has lured dozens of America’s biggest comedy stars to perform in a heavily restricted, state-sponsored event that critics say functions as pure propaganda.
The lineup reads like a Netflix special: Chappelle, Hart, Burr, Aziz Ansari, Pete Davidson, and more. But behind the bright lights is a monarchy with a notorious record of executing journalists, jailing dissidents, and crushing free speech. Human rights advocates and fellow comedians are slamming these performers for helping Saudi Arabia “comedy wash” its reputation—using entertainment to distract from repression.
As Marc Maron quipped, the festival could be billed as, “From the folks that brought you 9/11, two weeks of laughter in the desert, don’t miss it.”
The hypocrisy here is glaring. Many of these same comics have built their careers railing against censorship and “cancel culture.” Chappelle once said, “The more you say I can’t say something, the more urgent it is for me to say it.”
Yet contracts for the festival explicitly prohibit any material that could “degrade, defame, or bring into public disrepute” Saudi Arabia, its royal family, or religion. Comedian Atsuko Okatsuka shared screenshots of such a contract, and Tim Dillon says he was dropped from the lineup after joking about the country “having slaves.”
Some comedians refused to participate, even as Saudi money poured in. Shane Gillis says he turned down the offer—twice—despite the fee doubling. Others didn’t hesitate, taking what Zach Woods mocked as dictator cash. “Name one comedian who hasn’t whored themself out to a dictator,” he posted on Instagram, calling out peers who preach free speech at home but go silent overseas when the price is right.
This festival is a key piece of Saudi Arabia’s “Vision 2030” plan to rebrand the kingdom for Western investors and tourists by mixing token liberalization (like letting women drive) with glitzy entertainment events. Sportswashing was bad enough; comedy washing is worse. The very medium built on challenging authority is now being used to mask it. Whether the comics admit it or not, they’re helping crown prince Mohammed bin Salman sell a false narrative of openness while dissidents still rot in prison.
Source: My Daily Grind News
Editor: These comics love to posture about free speech until a dictatorship waves a blank check at them. Then suddenly, the First Amendment takes a back seat to first-class airfare and five-star hotels. It’s not edgy—it’s cowardly.
Parting shot: Apparently, “speaking truth to power” has a price, and Riyadh was happy to pay it.
The $20 Billion Favor: How Trump’s Argentina Bailout Made One Hedge Fund Billionaire Very Rich
A $20 billion U.S. bailout for Argentina just happened to line up perfectly with the financial bets of Rob Citrone—a billionaire hedge fund manager, Trump-world insider, and old friend of Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent.
For ordinary Americans, the deal offers little. For Citrone, it’s a windfall.
Bessent announced the taxpayer-backed rescue package to prop up Argentina’s faltering peso, even though the South American nation barely affects the U.S. economy. But Citrone had been quietly loading up on Argentine bonds and stocks tied to President Javier Milei’s austerity program. When Argentina’s economy teetered and panic hit the markets, Citrone stood to lose big. Then Washington stepped in—and suddenly, his high-risk wager looked brilliant again.
The connection between Citrone and Bessent runs deep. They made fortunes together betting on currency trades back in their George Soros days. “Scott says I’m responsible for 75 percent of his bonus at Soros, kind of jokingly,” Citrone bragged in a podcast. So when Citrone urged Bessent earlier this year to push for IMF support for Argentina, Bessent delivered. He helped broker a $20 billion IMF stabilization package, then followed it up with a U.S. bailout that juiced Argentine asset values—including Citrone’s.
Citrone isn’t just a lucky investor. He’s plugged directly into Trump’s orbit. He flew to Argentina alongside CPAC operatives on a private jet, met with President Milei, and helped grease the wheels for the bailout. Meanwhile, CPAC’s newly minted lobbying firm, Tactic Global, was quietly on Argentina’s payroll for $10,000 a month to coordinate U.S. meetings and strategy. So much for “America First”—this was “Argentina First,” for a select few with the right connections.
The immediate effect of the bailout has been to stabilize the peso and inflate asset values, giving Argentina’s wealthy elite—and foreign investors like Citrone—a perfect opportunity to cash out. Long-term benefits for U.S. taxpayers? Don’t hold your breath. If history is any guide, this ends with capital flight, another collapsed peso, and American taxpayers holding the bag.
Source: Mother Jones
Editor: This isn’t foreign policy—it’s friends helping friends get richer. Citrone placed a massive bet, Bessent opened the Treasury spigot, and taxpayers got to pick up the tab. Funny how these “strategic” bailouts always seem to land on the portfolios of well-connected billionaires.
Parting shot: Argentina got a bailout. Citrone got paid. America got played.
BONUSES
Yes, today is so fucked up that I couldn’t fit all the news into a sixpack. So you get 8 stories today. It very well could have been 25 stories. But ain’t nobody got time for that!
Trump Posts Bizarre AI Video Announcing Fake “MedBed” Hospitals, Then Deletes It
Donald Trump shared an AI-generated fake Fox News clip claiming he was launching “MedBed hospitals” and a national MedBed card system—two things that do not exist.
The video, posted late Saturday on Truth Social, featured a fabricated news segment starring Lara Trump and a disturbingly lifelike AI version of Trump himself making the bogus announcement from the Oval Office.
Fox News quickly clarified to The Verge that the segment “never aired on Fox News Channel or any other Fox News Media platforms.” There was no explanation from Trump, no caption, nothing—just the video dropped into the feed like a digital fever dream. The clip was later deleted without comment, following the usual pattern of Trump tossing out conspiratorial chum and then retreating into silence. #TACO
For the blissfully uninitiated, “MedBeds” are a QAnon-fueled fantasy: a mythical medical device that can regrow limbs, cure cancer, and apparently fix everything short of a bad haircut. Conspiracy theorists believe Big Pharma is hiding this miracle tech from the public, and Trump’s post immediately lit up those circles as “proof” of their wild claims. As one might expect, many of his followers admitted the clip was AI-generated but still treated it as confirmation that the machines were real and coming soon.
The fakery itself was sophisticated enough to raise eyebrows—not because it fooled anyone who’s ever watched a real press conference, but because it shows how AI tools can convincingly manufacture entire government announcements. One of the biggest tells? Trump stayed perfectly on script. If that doesn’t scream “computer-generated,” nothing does.
The White House has made no effort to clarify the president’s intent, and probably hopes the episode fades into the swamp of Trump’s daily weirdness. But this wasn’t just a meme gone rogue. This was a former president using AI fakery to pump oxygen into a medical conspiracy movement with real-world consequences.
Source: The Verge
Editor: This is classic Trump: Crank up the conspiracy machine, toss a match into the QAnon powder keg, then walk away like nothing happened. The only thing “miraculous” here is how many people still take this nonsense seriously.
Parting shot: Honestly, if MedBeds were real, Trump would’ve tried to slap his name on them and charge admission by now.
Pentagon Insiders Say Hegseth Is “Crawling Out of His Skin” After Charlie Kirk Assassination
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has become increasingly erratic and paranoid in recent weeks, with Pentagon insiders describing him as “rattled,” “manic,” and “crawling out of his skin” following the assassination of Charlie Kirk.
Multiple staffers say his behavior has spiraled into tirades, security obsession, and abrupt decision-making that has left the military’s top brass on edge.
Two Pentagon insiders told Daily Mail that Hegseth has been erupting at colleagues, pacing during meetings, and displaying what one described as “an even more manic quality, which is really saying something.” Another was blunter: “Dude is crawling out of his skin.” Both spoke anonymously, fearing retaliation amid reports that Hegseth has been firing officials for talking to journalists and even threatening to revoke media credentials from noncompliant reporters.
The anxiety reportedly intensified after Kirk’s September 10 assassination in Utah. Hegseth’s wife, Jennifer, has allegedly fueled these fears, demanding extraordinary security measures for their family far beyond what’s typical for other cabinet officials. “She fears Pete’s a target,” one insider said. The couple saw Kirk as an ideological ally, and his killing “struck such a nerve” that it’s now shaping their personal and political decisions.
Hegseth’s agitation has bled into policy. He pushed through renaming the Department of Defense to the “Department of War” months ahead of schedule, despite internal resistance, and lashed out at legal advisors questioning recent military operations abroad. He’s also ordered a mass, unexplained gathering of top military brass in Virginia, causing unease among officers who compared the situation to Squid Game. The Pentagon has offered no clarification, though reports suggest Hegseth plans to lecture generals about embracing a “warrior ethos.”
His wife’s continued involvement isn’t helping calm the waters. A Fox News alum, Jennifer Rauchet Hegseth has advised Pentagon staff on shaping a conservative, Christian identity within the military. She previously faced scrutiny for being looped in on sensitive operational details, earning the nickname “Yoko Ono” in Pentagon circles. Now, insiders say her influence and Pete’s paranoia are creating a volatile mix at the top of America’s military command.
Source: Daily Mail
Editor: This is what happens when you hand the Pentagon to a Fox News pundit and his equally plugged-in spouse—they treat it like a reality show, not a defense department. A rattled, paranoid defense secretary with a “warrior ethos” fixation is not exactly the steady hand you want on the nuclear football.
Parting shot: The Pentagon doesn’t need a power couple storyline. It needs leadership that isn’t one bad news cycle away from a full-blown meltdown.